An Open Letter to my Son

Dear Saatvik,
I am enormously excited today. Afterall, this is my first letter to you. You and me have completed 4 months today. You as a son and me as a father.Its so much fascinating to write about my nascent fatherhood and your nascent babyhood. Obviously I owe this to you.Though I had liked you to understand and possibly appreciate the things I am going to write here but I know you will take some more time to do so.

In the begining, when your mother first broke out the news(about your arrival) to me, I didn't know how to react. You must be feeling that I must had been very happy but I should admit, I felt 'I am not ready for this'. Please don't feel that I was not 'wanting' you. Ofcourse, I wanted you but at that particulat moment of time, this fact was un-digestible to me. You see, being a father is huge huge responsibility and I was afraid and felt myself incapable to carry this responsibilty.Your grand-parents and your mother, on the other hand, were on the top of their worlds. I hopelessly tried to share their excitement but I guess, I was more gripped with fear and uncertainity.

For days to come, I diverted my special attention to your mother(though she does not agree on this).Infact, I diverted my special attention towards you. You were growing in her womb and were quite demanding right from that time. ;) My first interaction with you ('sort of' interaction, you can say), came after a few months when we(me and you mother) went to the doctor for something called 'Level-2 Ultrasound'. The doctor applied some sticky fluid to your mother's belly and attached few strings to a monitor.She started rolling some device (I will like to call it a mouse as it was serving almost the same purpose) on your mother's belly. And then, you appeared on that monitor.In black and white, moving,breathing.The doctor pointed towards your legs,hands,head and fingers.Your mother was amazed looking at you but I was puzzled. I could not make out anything from those blurred black and white images of yours and I was feeling guilty about it. I was jealous of the happiness your mother was experiencing, watching you because I was so dumbly unaware of your presence.But it was just for a while.The magic happened when the doctor made me hear your heart-beats.I was speechless. Though my mind kept telling me that its a completely biological phenomena and Darwin's theory is true and there is nothing here to be amazed, but the fact is - I was thrilled to the core listening to your fast beating heart.I fell in love with you right away.Though it sounds dramatic, but my fear started to melt away and I found myself ready(kind of) to welcome you.

The following few days made your mother feel you more evidently when you started kicking and turning and doing all sorts of stuff in her womb.She was terrificly excited and I too occasionally got a feel of yours from outside.However, I was still not very much liking the small babies pestering their parents' in our apartment's garden and your mother jokingly kept reminding me of my possibly similar fate.But secretly, I was feeling happy about you and the coming days.

The D-Day arrived on 2nd Sep when you popped out into our lives.I had imagined and wanted you to be a girl but, you see, life always surprises me. Nevertheless, it was a 'Dhan-te-tann' feeling. Many things were changed right from our daily routines, sleeping times, discussion topics to my Google search queries. I was searching following stuff on Google very frequently:

1. Mac Tosh Sheet
2. Cotton Packets
3. Nappies
4. Wet tissues
5. Talcum Powder
6. Bathing Soap
7. Nappy Cream
8. Dettol
9. Feeding Bottles
10. Baby Nailcutter
11. Olive Oil
12. Dabur Lal Oil
13. Baby Towel
14. Malmal cloth...... and much more

The last four months with you have quite been an experience for me. Just watching you grow,inch-by-inch,is a  pleasure. Infact its a luxury. For most of the first 1 month, you were sleeping and only scarsely smiled in your sleep. I wanted to play with you, to talk to you, to take you on drive, and to do everything fathers are supposed to do. But, infact, you have now taught me that certain things take time. You have taken full 3 months to stabilize your neck at 1 position, to be able to turn it to left and right. You still, almost daily, look at me with surprise, probably trying to recognize me. I produce funny sounds, do awkward dances and sometimes rotate you in the air to make you smile.But you seem dis-interested most of the times. You are happy in your mother's lap and smile when she holds you tightly. I can not beat your mother in this. Nobody can't beat mothers, you see.

I am impatiently waiting for you to grow up, to respond to me when I call 'Daddy is home', to gang up with me to tease your mother, to hit a huge six on my pathetic bowling, to feel that we are always on the same side. Take your time son, I am waiting. Till then, I will try to develop myself into as good father as I can. It will take a lot to be your HERO and I am working towards it.

;)

Your Dad